Feeling Rubbish, Feeling Blessed

The War of the Pots and Kettles’ (Oil painting on canvas by Alan Rayner, 2004)

Every day is a struggle for existence

Between two mes

A me that feels rubbish

Cast aside and treated like muck

And a me that feels blessed

With talent and luck

.

The me that feels rubbish

Looks for somewhere to hide

The me that feels blessed

Wants to share with some pride

The good fortune he’s found

Not bury it, deep underground

.

How many of us, I wonder

Feel these two ways

In fear and in love

About our selves?

And how many more

Suppress one or other or both

By closing the door

This way or that

Or averaging or cancelling them out

In mediocrity or self-oblivion?

.

Is this, alas, poor Darwin’s legacy?

He, who with a scientific man’s mere heart of stone

Bereft of affection

Regarded as ‘natural’

The preservation of favoured races at others’ expense

.

Or was it his patriarchal inheritance?

Down a long line of psychological descent

From ages before

When someone of upright stance

Assuming power over all other

In spite or fear of uncertainty

Split matter from space

By means of hard lines

As something created instantaneously

From nothing

.

Is there no way to reconcile these two ways

Without averaging or cancelling them out?

When, deep down, we all know that there is

Don’t we?

.

Through realising why each naturally includes the other

In the untouchable core of our being

Where love and life meet

In mutual embrace of darkness and light

The receptive stillness of space, everywhere

And responsive energetic flux, somewhere

Dancing in partnership

To co-create where we all dwell

As needful inhabitants of fleshy, mortal bodies

In natural communion

.

But to know this alone

Without being able to share it

Brings no respite

From the hideous fright

That comes from living

In the midst of an unforgiving crowd

That doesn’t want to know or care

For what gift you might bring

But pounces instead

On what, in its fierce cat’s eyes

You do wrong

And calls it failure

Not good enough to pass through its gate

Between damnation and welcome

.

Then the struggle continues

Until and unless

The ice melts,

Disease spreads,

Rubbish accumulates,

Urban sprawls,

Money fritters away

Diversity declines

In global warning

That something is wrong

In the way we’ve been taught

Down the ages

To think in the past

And we need to rethink

Fast

Our true nature

In need of fresh air

For further exploration of natural inclusion, please visit my personal website at http://www.spanglefish.com/exploringnaturalinclusion

Alan Rayner is an evolutionary ecologist, writer and artist, who is pioneering the philosophy of natural inclusion